Guest Post: The Valley of Literary Despair

By Becky Tuch

I never thought I would stop writing. But last month, for the first time in my life, I was waking up almost every day and thinking, “What’s the point?” It seemed ridiculous to me the amount that writers sacrifice just in order to write. All over the world, throughout history, we’ve given up time with our family, financial stability, fun with friends, sleep, sex, parties, food—all to have a few extra moments tinkering with the fates of people that don’t even exist. Stepping back, as I had never quite done before, it seemed mind-bogglingly preposterous.

I know what you’re thinking. Bex, writing enables us to be more present the rest of the time. If I didn’t write, the time I was actually with my family and friends would make me miserable and crazy.

If that’s true, then kudos for you. For me, that’s true some of the time. Other times, I am downright amazed at how happy life can be when I’m not writing. During novel development, I might be editing my manuscript in my head while a friend tells me about her divorce, or thinking about character motivations while balancing on my shoulders in yoga class.

Yes, writing helps clear the head. But often, it helps muddle it too. And last month, I just felt like not doing it might be easier.

What precipitated this very depressing line of thinking—akin to all my characters lining up on a bridge and jumping off, in tandem—was that I had finished my novel and was pitching it to agents. Some agents didn’t even reply to my query letter. I know that’s very common. But man, what a drag! You could go crazy wondering if you even sent the darn thing, wondering if they got it. It reminded me of being stoned in high school, asking myself over and over again, “Did I just say that out loud?”

That alone wasn’t enough to discourage me. I had a few agents ask to see the full manuscript. Yahoo! But, the ones that got back to me said more or less the same thing: the language is strong, the characters seem real, but the plot feels undeveloped. Some writers get a rejection like this and just think, “Ha! Little you know! Tell me that when I’m a best-seller.” And they just keep sending their work out, braving rejection after rejection with just the light glowing from their vision shining their way. To these writers, I heartily tip my hat.

Me? I simply thought, “Yeah, I know the plot needs work. But I’ve been working on the thing for five years now. Can’t you take me on and help me?”

This is no way to go about selling one’s book. Not only is it unprofessional, lazy, naïve, [fill in your own critical word here]. A process like this is invariably setting a writer up for suffering. Suppose a young agent did want to take on the project. Suppose that agent said, “You have a great writing style. I’ll tell you what to do to make that book sell! First, put the whole thing in first person. Then, make your protagonist a heroin junkie instead of an alcoholic. Heroin is very hot right now. Also, you need to list at least five brand names in every chapter. Product placement is the only way books are making money these days!”

What a terrible way to surrender one’s vision. On the other hand, my problem was that I didn’t know anymore what my vision was. Five years! Five years of research and editing and thinking and workshopping. Five years of sitting in classes and having other students tell me what they thought of my characters. Five years of going home and revising. Of reading and underlining. Of scribbling outlines. Of praying. Of standing on my head in yoga class and trying to see the answers in the floorboards. Five years of trying to learn this incredibly difficult craft and now I had a project about which I felt little more than, “M’eh.” This lack of enthusiasm was matched by every agent, who responded with their own variation of “M’eh.”

So, what to do? I never ever thought I would end up here. When you’re writing a novel, it is simply unbearable to think it might not work. I never considered the possibility. It had to work.

“Start something new,” everyone advised. “Put this aside for awhile.”

But how could I know that that new thing would result in something I felt good about? Now that I had seen the other side of five, hard-working years, and this other side did not look nearly as pretty as I’d dreamed, what was the point in trying to get to the other side of another book? What was the point in writing at all?

“Today I got a promotion and got pregnant and bought a house and put away millions of dollars for my retirement plan,” I could hear my friends shouting to me from the sidelines.

“Oh really?” might be my response. “Well, today I learned how to move characters temporally without relying on the word ‘then’. So there!”

Eventually, I did come through the other side of this despair. And I’m happy to say that with the help of some amazing friends and brilliant (published and unpublished) writers I know, as well as endless blog-reading, I feel safely on the other side. I’m writing again, and that is the other side. The grass is indeed prettiest not in one place or the other, but along the path.

Aw, Becky, are you really going to end this blog with something so hokey? Is that your take-away message? To enjoy the journey?

Well, no. I do have some concrete advice. And some real tips and strategies I picked up, pearls of wisdom that illuminated my dark hour. The following  helped revive my literary mojo:

Insightful post on salon.com in which a staff writer addresses questions from desperate authors.

The Artist’s Way. An amazing book which helps writers overcome their inner critics. (When I recommended this book to my mother, she said, “I don’t like the title. It’s stupid.” Hm. Wonder where my inner critic comes from.)

Backspace Writers, which has a great discussion forum in which writers vent, agents dish, and minute mechanics of craft are obsessed over.

grubstreet.org. Aside from workshops and seminars, every writer needs writer friends.

But. Then again. Maybe you don’t want advice. You’ve been to all the sites. You’ve heard those tips before. You’ve read that blog already. You don’t want to hear from someone that’s been there or done that. It just doesn’ t help to know what worked for someone else because you need to learn, in your own time and in your own way, what works for you. Sometimes, dear hard-working writer, you just need to be reminded that you’re not alone.

Well, you’re not alone. The process is hard. It’s hard for you. It’s hard for me. As my father is fond of saying, “If writing was easy, everyone would do it!”

Do you want me to say it again? You’re not alone.

Now please, for the love of god, stop reading this and get back to your writing!

Becky Tuch’s first novel, Cindy, Wendy and DANGER: A Novel of Mystery and Excitement!!! was completed in the fourth grade. Since then, she has been writing fiction and practicing using fewer exclamation points. Her stories have won awards from Briar Cliff Review, Byline Magazine, The Tennessee Writers Alliance, and received Honorable Mentions from the Pushcart Prize and Writers’ Journal. Other stories, poetry and reviews have been published in Folio, Eclipse, Blueline, Artsmedia, The Women’s Review of Books and elsewhere. Additionally, she is the founding editor of The Review Review, a website that reviews literary magazines.