Does This Launch Make Me Look Fat?

Amazing. Here I am, about to realize my longest-held-dream—publishing a novel—and my biggest concern is whether I‘ll look fat at the launch party.

No matter what the event, we always wonder: how will I look? You bet that Michelle Obama, even as she basked in the glory of becoming First Lady, checked out her reflection from every angle. And you gotta know that it wasn’t just for the press. Mrs. Obama’s closest, realest friends, for sure asked:

What are you wearing?

I am lucky to be part of a “it’s hard out there for a pimp!” promo support group—we’re writers at various stages of releasing and selling novels—and on the night before the week before my book launch party, the question came (from the only man in the group. As a joke. Right, Chris???)

What are you wearing?

I had dinner with my oldest, most supportive friends—my women’s group, my sisters—and they asked:

What are you wearing on Thursday?

Oh, I don’t know. Just one of the 23 outfits I picked up on drastic reduction at Bloomingdale’s . Just one of the 35 outfits I’ve been trying on for the last 4 days. Oh, no big deal—just one of the 666 dresses, skirts, and jackets strewn across my bed, dresser, office, and floor.

I feel ludicrous. Is it possible that I spent more time trying on outfits for this event than I did copy-editing my final chapter?

Do male authors get facials before their book launch parties? Do they worry that their hands are so cracked and chapped from work and cold that they can’t get a manicure, and as a result, when they sign books, people will gasp with horror at their ragged nails?

Do these same men stand stupidly in front of the mirror wearing a shoe on one foot and a boot on the other, wondering which looks better?

Do they wonder if their suit makes them look fat?

So for me:

Surplice dress?

Simple blazer?

Sheath?

Be honest, everyone. Do I look fat in this launch?